Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
