this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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