There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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