it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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