I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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