who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
