I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
