when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
