I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
