I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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