Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
