allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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