I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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