guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
