I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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