that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
