ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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