Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
