come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im holly from the hills drunk
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
