I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
