I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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