Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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