I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
