I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
