I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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