Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
