It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
