i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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