Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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