sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my being single is dangerous.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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