I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
