I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
