Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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