so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
