At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx