A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
