ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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