Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
