I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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