yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
