If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
