We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
