I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I deserve this hangover.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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