i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
