I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My life is pants optional.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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