I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
