You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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