i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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