You made me cry and you don't even care
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
