I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
