It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
