We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
