i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
