I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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