The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
