I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
