He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
