Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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