Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
