Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
