My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
