Your face is a jimmy john
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
