You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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