Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
